IKEA sucks! If I see another Ikea Hack I might vomit

Particle board.... VOC's and crappy quality that I might have turned a blind eye to in college actually matter to me now. I don't want things too just break on me. Who wants to spend all those hours assembling the crap for it to just break! Here are a few reasons why I hate IKEA!

IKEA Makes Me Want To Hurt People 

IKEA turns everyone who walks through the door into the worst versions of themselves. It's like Black Friday but not! IKEA makes me want to hit everyone.

Assemble it yourself! (or return it half assembled because you just can't)

My IKEA projects always start of exciting. The rush of getting ALL of the things! Plus I did it at a rockbottom price! It makes me believe my space will be completely different!  One hour goes by and I'm still jung ho! This bookshelf is getting made! 3 hours later I've broken a huge chunk out of the particle board trying to get those weird little lock things to line up. Then I realize I’ve built one shelf backwards, causing a domino effect of partial disassembly to turn it around. Finally 5 hours later the shelf is done! It has not been used once and already has a little bit of a sway to it....GRRREAT! Not.

Word of warning: Never put together ANYTHING from IKEA with a significant other unless you want that relationship to end fast!

How did this get in my cart! 

On my last trip to IKEA I had a list : storage boxes, rug, and mirror. By the time I got to the register and started loading items I had: candles, a basket, toilet brush, frames, shelves, a throw blanket, wooden hangers, dish scrubber, batteries, 2 throw pillows, and a lambskin. How did all of these things get into my cart? So much for minimalist Swedish decor.

I Don’t Speak Swedish

DOMBAS. SKANKA. JERKER. These are actual product names, it’s really frustrating when you’re trying to get help to find a coffee table and the attendant things your yelling obscenities at them!

Requires a Map

So much for user friendly design! I swear IKEA actually thinks... let's figure out how to trap them in here as long as possible. The longer they're trapped the more shit they'll buy. I usually make it through a few areas before I'm completely turned around lost in a pile of throw pillows. Hoping to find one of those sneaky shortcuts that allows me a quick and easy escape! Finally I make my way out of the store to find the sun is down and I just spent the last 8 hours buying a cart and a trolley full of cardboard.

If you're ready to kick IKEA to the curb and start adulting today join my newsletter for ways to update your home on a budget without cardboard furniture! I you disagree with me...I'll see you in a year when it all falls apart.